The Adventures of Phoenix Jones, Superhero of Seattle

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By Andy T

Phoenix Jones superheroAmidst Seattle’s bright lights, dark alleys and confused citizens, walks a man dressed in a mask and a dragon skin bulletproof vest with stab plating, who calls himself Phoenix Jones.

A self-proclaimed crime fighter who strives to “protect the city”, Jones heads a ten-member costume vigilante squad known as the Rain City Superhero Movement, who’s aim is to fight crime in the Seattle and Lynwood areas.

However, Jones, it appears, has a particular hang-up with automobiles, as he has a string of minor traffic violations against him, while he’s known for stopping car and bus-jackers and preventing drunks from driving home.

Surely road rage is enough to make anyone want to become a superhero. In any case, it seems to have inspired Jones to do his cathartic do-gooder rampages across the city of Seattle. Either that or Hollywood has well and truly gotten the better of him.

As just last Thursday, on his customary crusade to combat corruption, Jones rushed into what he thought was a huge fight before shouting “911” and unleashing a torrent of capsicum spray on a crowd of nightclubbers.

Several angry individuals fought back, with one woman belting him with her shoes, as police allege he mistakenly took the downtown disco drinkers for having an all in brawl.

Jones, who has mixed martial arts training, was jailed on suspicion of four misdemeanor accounts of assault before being released on $US 3,800 bail. He was also ordered to remove his mask in court, which exposed his identity as 23 year old Ben Foder, much to the initial anger of Fodor and his many supporters.

Becoming somewhat of a celebrity since his somersault onto the Seattle scene earlier this year, Fodor has maintained his innocence, and is confident a 13 minute video of the incident (shot by one of his entourage) will clear him of any wrong-doing.

In a statement to reporters outside King County Jail last Thursday, Fodor said “I’m Phoenix Jones. I’m also Ben Fodor. I also protect the city”… “I’m just like everyone else. The only difference is that I decided to make a difference and stop crime in my neighborhood and my area. I intend to keep making that difference. The charges were false”.

However, superintendent of the Seattle Police Department, Sammy Supsup, says Fodor should stick to automobile crimes, which he at least gets right. He says in all other areas he’s like a bumbling, overenthusiastic Red Setter that, if left unchecked, could fast turn the musical city of Seattle into a diabolical disco disaster.

2 thoughts on “The Adventures of Phoenix Jones, Superhero of Seattle”

  1. Dear Mr A Fox,
    I too am a super hero, I only wear a lion cloth though. I fight crime, corruption and bad cooking on the filthy streets of New Dehli (as well I train my pet mongoose). I have a loyal gang of sadhus who are cosmic super heros, we all love each other.
    Yesterday we stopped a chronic public masturbator as he went about his lewd business in a public toilet. On Friday we inspected Ali Bonoopi’s dahl stall, I cannot publically disclose what we found but it was beyond all cosmic hygiene laws in this Karmic universe!
    In addition I use my Super hero skills, combined with my tantric training to bring untold bliss to the homeless old crones of New Dehli, it is a thankless task. Often the orgasmic moans of these hideous and often outrageously unclean dregs bring a tear to my eye. Still it gives me a strange sense of sexual satisfaction and I will continue my efforts. My sadhu friends want me to obstain, however I feel this lowly work is something a modern tantric superhero should and do must continue. Please write a story about me, and the homeless hideous trolls I pleasure.
    Dejab Preen

  2. “The homeless hideous trolls I pleasure”.

    Ah Dejab, that sounds like a wonderful start to a story. And what a story is yours! You certainly do fight dirty crime, in the unsanitary underworld of lust and despicableness.

    I commend you Dejab. I will write your story, but you must understand, I do not want to go near you.



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