Yvonne, The Wild Cow of Bavaria

Photo of author

By Andy T

The wild cowConsidered “slightly less stupid than sheep”, the cow, it seems, exists solely to serve humanity. Round ’em up, graze ’em for a while, then drain all the milk you can before a fateful trip to the slaughterhouse leads to a splendid night’s dinner.

Seen in this light, the life of a cow appears rather unfair. Indeed, unless fortunate enough to reside in India, the venerable cow seems to be given very little consideration, as Mark Twain cheekily once said “sacred cows make the best hamburgers”.

Maybe they do. In any case, one Bavarian dairy cow named Yvonne appears to have had quite enough. As just days before her untimely visit to the slaughterhouse, this six-year-old rebel escaped, fleeing deep into the Bavarian pastures.

Now a fugitive, local authorities in Muhldorf gave hunters permission to shoot her on sight. However, animal activists stepped in, offering Yvonne’s owner 600 Euros for her safe return.

Sometimes a little help goes a long way. For three months later and Yvonne is still on the run, with her rebellion causing somewhat of a sensation in Germany, and now, it seems, across the entire world. Run Yvonne run.

One German tabloid has now offered 10,000 Euros for her return. Meanwhile, the animal sanctuary Gut Aiderbichl has received media enquiries from Abu Dhabi and South Africa, where a psychic claims to have been in communion with her.

In India, the nation has deemed Yvonne “her holiness”, and in an attempt to lure her out of the Bavarian forest, an “animal whisperer” from Switzerland tried mental telepathy, but failed.

Another more desperate attempt involved Ernst the sexy masculine bull, “with a deep baritone moo and manly musk”, who was equally unsuccessful in disrupting Yvonne’s freedom flight. Run Yvonne run.

In an ideal world, cows with such impetus should be allowed to roam freely throughout the wild lands. However, the world is far too perilous for such a typically placid beast, and many a vegetarian/adventure lover are now concerned over the welfare of this honourable dairy crusader.

In a last ditch effort to bring Yvonne, the wild cow of Bavaria home, her “long-lost” two-year-old son is being deployed as a lure. However, he is currently going through intensive training (a crash course in cow cajolery) for what is now considered a difficult mission.

Difficult indeed, as a local radio station, which flew over her forest hideout with a heat seeking camera, reported seeing this passionate beast moving “as nimble as a weasel”.

Yes, Yvonne has become “like a wild animal, not a dairy cow” said one hunter who claimed he saw her face to face, but was not allowed to shoot this now protected animal.

So, it appears we’re not all manipulators of this resource rich bovine. Maybe all it takes is a little attitude to gain respect in this world of insatiable cow gobblers. Cows, take heed, you’re not just another hamburger. Run Yvonne run!

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