Socrates’ Death Found Needless in Modern Retrial

Photo of author

By Andy T

Socrates' deathWhile Greece struggles to form government amidst a burgeoning national debt, it has decided to host a retrial of proceedings which led to Socrates’ death over 2,400 years ago.

The retrial, which many have labelled a ‘desperate debacle’, was held at the Onassis Foundation in Athens last Friday and was attended by Greece’s top lawyers.

The lawyers represented Socrates (who spoke for himself during his trial), while a panel of 10 US and European judges heard their pleas.

Billed as “a lesson for modern times of revolution and crisis”, the trial aimed to highlight the issues of democracy and free speech (raised by Socrates at the time) in light of recent events.

In 399 BC, Socrates was made to drink poisonous hemlock after being found guilty of “evil-doing, impiety and corrupting the young”. The verdict was reached by a jury of hundreds of Athenians, even though Socrates defiantly protested his innocence to the last.

Socrates’ methods of sceptical inquiry had earned him powerful enemies, as they clashed with the Athenian ideals of politics and society. Plato referred to him as the “gadfly” (which stings a horse into action) of the state, as he irritated Athenians by questioning their ideals on justice and ‘goodness’.

In refinding the verdict, the judges were evenly split, with five voting guilty and five not guilty, which meant under Athenian law he was acquitted. Socrates’ death was found needless.

One New York judge who voted against him, Loretta Preska, said “Socrates comes before us feigning humility, yet demonstrating arrogance”.. “He is a dangerous subversive”.

French lawyer Patrick Simon, who pleaded for his acquittal, said “my client has one fault: he likes to poke fun and is fiercely ironic. By acquitting him, you will show how solid and reliable democracy is.”

However, Timothy Trombane, analyst at the Department of Enterprising Bailout Tactics (DEBT), says scrutinising the events surrounding Socrates’ death merely highlights that Greek democracy is about as solid as a glass of cordial.

He says not only are Greeks presently unable to agree on anything, they’re spending what little money they have on dead philosophers and French lawyers when they could be expanding the country’s highly-regarded cooking shows.

2 thoughts on “Socrates’ Death Found Needless in Modern Retrial”

  1. Hi Andy,
    Best regards to you and your lovely web site and its insight to these fascinating newsworthy tidbits of modern cultural significance. Myself and many of my persuasion love mock retrials of peoples of history. Our organisation, Modern Retrials for Fun (MRFF)is a non-profit society that holds retrials of historic and not-so-historic figures. We do this most days and we love it. Last week we had a lot of fun retrying George Koleff for potential patent infringements, without going into all the facts we acquitted him much to his (mock) families delight.
    Then, staying on the shoe theme we carried on with a hypothetical shoplifting trial of John Lobb, the famous shoe maker. Unfortunately for his very embarrassed wife he was found guilty as charged.
    So such a high profile case as Socrates, all I can say is that would be the absolute highlight of MRFF, and we would all be saying wow if we were ever that daring.
    Please come to one of our trails one day Andy, we are always looking for new actors, or even defendants! Done any crime recently?
    Best Ones to You,

  2. Mr Slipper,

    Thank you for your most interesting comment.

    While I see the sense in your senselessness, I fear your approach may be the last thing that Greece needs at the moment. On second thought, it may be the very thing they need, yes.

    I’ve never heard of John Lobb, but I will put in a recommendation for you to retrial Marco Polo, who I believe was in Greece for one debaucherous week. It may indeed lift the country’s spirits.



Leave a comment