Second Spring Throws English Nature into Confusion

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By Andy T

Second springIt appears English nature has had quite enough of the same old song, and has decided it’s high time to blend some late autumn hues with the colourful beats of summer.

Dragonflies are naughtily running amok, and spring flowers are vying for the party to go on, all while gaudy trinkets and Santa hats are making their annual shopfront appearances.

Life in England seems to have turned upside down. Even the ducks look confused.

“Our countryside is looking much more flowery than it should be”, says National Trust Ecologist Matthew Oates. Similarly, spokesman for the Woodland Trust remarked “autumn has been a bit weird”.

This strange behaviour, it appears, is widespread, as Twitter is abuzz with reports of countryside oddities, while scientists are becoming increasingly concerned. There’s even reports of citizens gaining a certified suntan.

The real worry, however, lies at the Centre for Ecology and Hydrology (CEH), where scientists report that some spring species have recorded their earliest appearance since the 1700s. Although there’s scientific debate over whether they are witnessing a second spring or if next year’s has come early.

The CEH’s Dr Stephen Thackeray says real problems occur when some species react quickly to changing conditions, while others are slower to adapt. He says it’s vitally important for many species to synchronise their life cycle to other species.

That may be so for England’s monogamous ducks, who detest disruptions to their stale and wintry love nests. But for the poppies nestling in the long grass, the fruit ripening cheek to cheek, and the crickets rubbing their wings together in extended spring excitement, life is extraordinary.

As Shakespeare once put it, “in the spring time, the only pretty ring time, when birds do sing, hey ding a ding, ding; Sweet lovers love the spring”.

4 thoughts on “Second Spring Throws English Nature into Confusion”

  1. Dear Andy,
    It seems that although the seasons have be acting funny those poms have no trouble keeping their traditions. Rather than getting out enjoying a second spring those whinging over-analytical poms have been pondering it, getting generally agitated by it and scientifically debating it. Typical, it seems that even the Queen has begrudgingly coughed extra wages to her gardeners to keep the spring weeds down and was reported to be seen shaking her fist to the sky yelling “We are not amused”.
    If it is any consolation to your readers I am predicting a ridiculously cold winter that will last well into June…..2015!
    Yours sincerely

  2. Oh Mr Faty Stinklebrot (what were your mother and father thinking?),

    You can hardly blame the poms, considering they’ve been subjected to such a consistent onslaught of drizzle. For there’s nothing like a bit of sunshine to put some vibrancy into one’s pants.

    I can well picture your prediction, but can you imagine, such a spring for England! Blimey, I think they’re still getting over the shock and expressing it in the only way they know how.

    Yours, in the sunshine,

    Mr Fox.


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