Within the dark primordial crevices of the Brazilian jungle, lurks a creeping, poisonous and hostile creature, that could just well be the saviour of humanity.
Described as the world’s most venomous spider by the 2010 Guinness World Records, the Brazilian wandering spider produces a toxin that has a curious side affect for its victims. Explosive four-hour long erections.
Quick to capitalise on what could be a social revolutionary breakthrough, physiologist at the Medical College of Georgia, Dr Kenia Nunes, is analysing the venom, which she says contains a rich and unusual mixture of molecules.
This combination of molecules creates a condition known as priapism, where the penis stays erect for long periods of time. However, other side effects of the venom include loss of muscle control, severe pain and difficulty in breathing.
None the less, Dr Nunes believes these side effects can be neutralised, which she demonstrated on a bunch of hypersensitive rats with acute erectile dysfunction. Soon after receiving the revamped toxin, the terribly impaired rats showed signs of a strong and stiff recovery.
The experiment has been hailed as potentially the biggest breakthrough in humanoid history, with comparisons already being made with the renown product Viagra. Although Dr Nunes says the venom works differently to Viagra, which is promising for the many unfortunate males who don’t respond well to the product.
However, Dr Richard Stark, head of Rio’s Impaired Statistics Enterprise (RISE), is horrified over the finding. He says roughly 18% of U.S. males are affected by erectile dysfunction, with 40% of these not responding to Viagra. This leaves roughly 11 million flaccid males that could stampede across the Panama, creating potentially the biggest ecological and social disaster in world history.
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