In a desperate bid to gauge African climate patterns, English scientists have leapt to the wild savannas with angle grinders to saw off shards of age old crystallized animal urine.
The small hairy hyrax, a relative of the graceful elephant, has been known to frequent specific locations to relieve itself, intergenerationally, over thousands of years.
It is this urine, long discharged onto the plains of old, which harbours ancient secrets into the animal’s diet, vegetation and thus the local climate at the time of relief.
Whilst samples from bogs or lakes usually suffice for such research, the parched savannas of Africa proved uncooperative, and a specialised team of crack scientists from Leicester were called in to administer unorthodox perverse tactics.
The hyrax pee has been preserved inside stiff crystallized accumulations termed ‘middens’, which require rigid rock climbing to access them, followed by penetration with an old angle grinder from the backyard shed.
Such lateral thinking has inspired other, less sanitary organisations.
Lead researcher from the Wandering Excretion Enterprise (WEE), Dr Bill Hydro, says he was initially inspired by the old Chinese proverb – ‘though you live near a forest, do not waste firewood’, and has since gone on an investigatory rampage on waste utilisation, specialising in ancient urine, worldwide.
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