In a short-sighted shirking of sexual temptation, ultra-Orthodox Jewish men are wearing blurred glasses on Israel’s streets so they’re not tempted by the sight of beautiful women.
The specially designed glasses, which provide clear vision for several metres before becoming blurry, have become popular in religious areas of Jerusalem such as Mea Shearim.
In the Jewish faith, sexual temptation is considered an evil impulse. Only between man and wife and at the proper time and place is sex considered mitzvah (a good deed done from religious duty).
In order to ensure this belief is strictly adhered to, a range of other products such as “vision impeding hoods” have risen to well and truly lull the loins.
Even sneaking an aeroplane peep within the Orthodoxy is now difficult, as the Jewish Committee for Purity are supplying portable screens that can be erected on any flight to virtually erase women, even on TV.
Ultra-Orthodox Jews already separate sexes in public, and their interpretation of Jewish law forbids contact between a man and a woman outside of wedlock.
The introduction of blinkered hoods and blurred glasses is considered the final step in erasing erotic yearnings of any kind.
However, Dr Flissel Flasslehoff, prominent Israeli sociologist, says you can only hide the devil for so long, as he’ll soon find another way to pop his little pitchfork back into the furnace of sexual temptation.
He says blurred glasses and blinkered hoods are merely an excuse to fuel repressed men’s desires, as the number of ‘accidental’ gropings and ‘mistaken’ toilet entries has risen an astounding 93% in the Orthodox quarter alone.
Lady Luxford says
I am thoroughly enjoying your articles Mr Andy Tope – particularly liking the links to your previous articles too. As the grapes should be sexually liberated so should societies palette of pleasure and the tastebuds of purity be faced directly – people should all actually just wear no clothes if it’s warm enough so they learn to control their sexual arousal or we could all be in an eternal orgy. Beats working…. hmm I think I just stumbled on the answer – clothes make society function because we can concentrate on our chores and not keep running off for nookies – how simple.
Andy Tope says
Aretta, I think you just want to see me in the nude! Haha, nah, if only things were that simple.
Maybe we should half wear clothes and half not? A bit like life’s a beach?
So glad you’re enjoying the fox, I enjoy writing them 🙂
Dr Orio Goldstein says
Your article is accurate and no amount of blurred vision will stop the fornicationous thought forms appearing behind ones eyelids. We have seen hospital admissions treble as more and more men are bumping into light posts, slipping on banana peels and walking into shut doors. If such accidents continue our reputation as the clumsiest nation on earth will be further cemented (Like a leb’s back garden..ha ha).
It is also true that wearing blurred glasses is not so good for the eyes, further eroding our security. Spotting stray Palestinian rockets launched from Gaza will be harder and then finding ones car keys to drive away…
All in all the ugliness of the situation is encroaching on my feeble sensibilities. I am forced to wear ear plugs to dull the noise from people singing about how god created blurred vision.
With the JSI (Jewish stupidity Index) at 547 a historical high and rising every year I fear that our once proud nation of money lender and tax collectors is a doomed social extravagance. We live on the fringes of international legitimacy as it is, Jehovah help us! It all went down hill after we killed Jesus, he was our ancient Jim Morrison and the world never forgave us (he was a cursed jewish magician anyway). I digress Andy, keep up the good work, you don’t sound like the kind of guy to wear blurred glasses eh…wink wink knod knod..
Andy Tope says
“We live on the fringes of international legitimacy”.
Oh what a wonderful claim Dr Goldstein! (are you sure you’re not from James Bond?
And Jesus was a cursed Jewish magician? Oh Dr, we have to get together for a bourbon and a chat.
Yours, Mr Fox.