In an originally defensive move entirely devoid of music, the Indian military may have just found the ultimate secret weapon, a diabolically hot chilli pepper.
Defence researchers believe the Bhut Jolokia pepper, rated in the Guinness World Records as the hottest chilli, can be utilised to smoke out terrorists through its extreme pungency.
On the Scoville scale (which measures spicy heat) the pepper has a hit a whopping 1,041,427 units, which is 200 times hotter than Tabasco sauce.
RB Srivastava, Director of the Life Sciences Department at the New Delhi Headquarters of the Defence Research and Development Organisation, says the chilli is so hot “it would literally choke” terrorists out of their hiding.
A local farmer, from Changpool in north-eastern India, says “it is so hot you can’t imagine. When you eat it, it’s like dying”. He has also warned visitors to the area, “if you eat one, then you won’t be able to leave this place”.
Now fit for deployment after trials in Indian defence laboratories, the Bhut Jolokia, translated from Hindi as ‘ghost chilli’, is a non-toxic fireball ready to deter.
I must inform you that I have tested the chilli in question. I live on the Texas(USA) and Mexico border. I have found that not only does this substance fail to deter our illegally immigrating friends, it attracts them, god damn their eye!! I have used it in every recipe i know and the buggers cannot get enough, so stop this false hope. No god damn chilli will ever help with border protection, only a 12 gauge and a bug bettle will save us now.
God bless you sir,