In the darkest corners of deep space, scientists have discovered the most gargantuan galactic fireball ever known to mankind.
The star, known as R136a1, is a staggering 265 times heavier than the sun and millions of times brighter.
The new discovery has thwarted the minds of the greatest scientists, who thought it utterly inconceivable that stars greater than 150 times the size of the sun could exist.
Raphael Hirschi, researcher at Britain’s Keele University, says if the galactic monster were to replace our sun, its immense gravitational pull would suck the earth in so close that an earth year would last only three weeks. He adds our planet would be saturated in ultra violet light, rendering it an utter biological disaster.
The R136a1 has been located by astronomers in the Tarantula Nebula, 165,000 light years away from Earth. In fact, the star is so distant that it can only be viewed in the Southern Hemisphere with the world’s most powerful telescope.
Paul Crowther, astrophysicist at Sheffield University in Britain, has lead a team on the discovery by using the aptly named Very Large Telescope (VLT), as well as archival material from the Hubble Space Telescope.
For maximum clarity, the team conducted the exploration in the driest and most desolate part of the world – the Atacama Desert in Northern Chile. It was here they also discovered a cluster of stars purportedly holding surface temperatures of 40,000 degrees Celsius, more than seven times hotter than our sun.
Whilst surprised by the discovery, Dr Crowther says it’s an extremely rare phenomenon that’s unlikely to be topped any time soon.
Astronomers, however, are not the only ones getting excited. The finding has prompted vehement advocacy from the previously scorned Underground Society for Esoteric Scientists (USES), who proclaim the star is not just one big bertha, but a blazing cluster of entities engaged in deep galactic conspiracy.
Dear Mr A Tope and other intelligent humanoid life forms processing this…I read with fascination your news of this ‘big bertha’. I regret to inform you all that this beautiful part of the universe, as you call it has since imploded and become a flubzap, or in your terminology a ‘black hole’. I must say this term is somewhat erronious as inside the flubzap it is actually a kaliedscope of wavelengths your VLT, ROSAT and Hubble viewing eye are not yet able to measure. Black is synonomous with ignorance it appears.
The ‘bertha’ imploded about 20,000 earth years ago in a very unspectacular way similar to you viewing a ‘shooting star’ entering your atmosphere at midday. You will perhaps see this begin in about 20,000 years, given that your ‘scientists’ are perhaps the most dubiously out of date astronomical news sources in your quadrant.
I mean even the pantathians from sector 7 (similar to your ostrich in intelligence and form), are Planks ahead of you.
However please do not be disheartened. We implore you to continue to report this ‘news’ our filberts quiver uncontrollable with joy at their comedic nature (similar to you watching’Benny hill’).
Our suggestion is that you spend more time travelling the ether highway, stretch your silver cords! If you head north north west from your antartica for about 3.57 billion kilometres, then take a sharp right as you pass the big wobbly pink thing (you cannot miss it) go another 2.3 million klicks and check out a more up to date bertha, we took our kids there for our ‘new years eve’, great new born galaxy! Just watch out for the flubzap to the left about 19000 kilometres.
Keep up the good work humans, we love practicing your languages out here. We all agree of the 47 known pluvonic linguistic devises in the universe yours is the most complex..this could be one of your problems i suppose.
We comment in peace..
The USES should not be scorned, they’re are just mostly misunderstood – very en-light-ening article!